From: Molly de Blanc <molly@fsf.org>
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2017 20:13:36 +0000 (-0500)
Subject: edits per dana suggestions.
X-Git-Url: https://vcs.fsf.org/?a=commitdiff_plain;h=a6180002978eb56d19996762ad45ef09b3448571;p=fsf-giving-guide.git

edits per dana suggestions.
---

diff --git a/v8/givingguide.html b/v8/givingguide.html
index 1c0ffda..1f3a22f 100644
--- a/v8/givingguide.html
+++ b/v8/givingguide.html
@@ -153,7 +153,7 @@
           <div class="action col-md-4 col-sm-4 text-center">
             <a class="action-button" href="https://www.fsf.org/givingguide/giving-guide-giveaway-primer">Host a Giving Guide Giveaway</a>
             <p>
-              Download the printabe version.
+              Download the printable version.
             </p>
 
           </div>
@@ -222,7 +222,10 @@
             <!-- End Buy/Download button -->
 
             <ul class="pros">
- <p>Your smartphone isn't just a phone--it's a computer you carry with you every day. It's your camera, your connection to your friends and family, and, for many people around the world, their only internet-enabled device. By choosing one of these phones, you're bringing freedom to your pocket, not just your communications.</p>
+ <p>Why it's cool: Ever feel like every time you pick up your smartphone, someone is watching you? This may not cut off their access entirely, but it will make their job a little harder.</p>
+
+<p> Your smartphone is so much more than a phone: it's a tiny computer you carry with you every day, and for many people around the world, it's their only internet-enabled device. Choosing one of these phones lets you bring software freedom everywhere you go.</p>
+
 <p>	     You can also get an <a href="https://tehnoetic.com/tehnoetic-s2-phone-replicant">S2</a> or <a "https://tehnoetic.com/mobile-devices/tehnoetic-s3-phone-replicant">S3</a>, complete with replicant.</p>
             </ul>
           </div>
@@ -314,6 +317,7 @@
             <!-- End Buy/Download button -->
 
             <ul class="pros">
+	      <p>Why it's cool: You need a reliable computer for work and play. This one is just dandy for both, minus icky DRM and spyware.</p>
 	      <p>Setting up a fully free system is easier than it used to be, but can still seem daunting--especially if you've never done it before. Luckily, you can now get a new-to-you laptop that's ready to go out of the box.</p>
 	      <p>Technoethical also has a <a href="https://tehnoetic.com/laptops/tet-t400s">T400s</a> available.</p>
 	    </ul>
@@ -410,7 +414,9 @@
 
 	    <!-- start good -->
             <ul class="pros">
-	      <p>Compact laptops are light and easy to carry, making them popular among people on the go. Whether it's for a student, or someone who likes to work from coffee shops or travels frequently, it's great to have a machine that goes with you. Thanks to Libiquity and Technoethical, you can have mobility and freedom.</p>
+	      <p>Why it's cool: Take it to the office, take it to the cafe, take it to class, take it home and set it up on the counter so you can listen to NPR while you cook. Do all of this the easy way.</p>
+
+<p>This machine is made to go everywhere with you, and thanks to Libiquity and Technoethical, you can have your mobility and your freedom too.</p>
             </ul>
 
           </div>
@@ -481,7 +487,9 @@
             </noscript>
             <!-- End Buy/Download button -->
             <ul class="pros">
- <p>There are a lot of things to say about why a convertible laptop is great. With a stylus and screen you can use as a tablet, they're versitle, multi-purpose, and stylish.</p>
+ <p>Why it's cool: Use it as a laptop or as a table with a built-in stylus. It may not be a brand-new concept, but it'll always feel a little futuristic.</p>
+
+<p>Enjoy all the portability of a tablet, without having to hunt-and-peck every letter when it comes time to do some work. It's versatile, multi-purpose, and stylish, and fits smoothly into every environment in your life (without pummeling you with the abuses of proprietary software).</p>
             </ul>
 
           </div>
@@ -553,7 +561,9 @@
             <!-- End Buy/Download button -->
 
             <ul class="pros">
-	      <p>Sometimes you want or need a more powerful machine. Desktops are the answer for when you really need that extra push.</p>
+<p>Why it's cool: Sometimes you need heavy-duty computing power that a laptop just can't provide.</p>
+
+<p>Gamers, video editors, and other users may want or need a more powerful machine – a desktop is the answer when you really need that extra push. Also good for users who want a bigger screen.</p>
 	      <p>Vikings offers three desktop computers. (ThinkPenguin also <a href="https://www.thinkpenguin.com/catalog/desktop-computers-gnu-linux">has desktops</a>.)
             </ul>
 
@@ -634,7 +644,7 @@
   
  <!--start pros-->
             <ul class="pros">
-	      <p>One of the toughest steps in turning your system into something fully-free is the wi-fi. With an RYF wi-fi adapter, you can just plug it in and be ready to go.</p>
+	      <p>Why it's cool: Trying to go 100% free? Do it the easy way – just plug this into your USB port and you're ready to go.</p>
             </ul>
 	    </div>
 
@@ -802,14 +812,16 @@
             </noscript>
             <!-- End Buy/Download button -->
             <ul class="pros">
-              <p>3D printers are just plain cool. As a learning and exploration tool, crafty way to make gifts (for yourself or your friend), and all around fun toy, the at-home 3D printer has come far from its origins in the early 2000s. Not only is the LulzBot Mini free, but there are loads of free software options for modeling, and communities sharing freely licensed designs.</p>
+              <p>Why it's cool: Think ahead: if you give this to your friend or relative, they might use it next year to make YOU a gift.</p>
+
+<p>3D printers are an amazing learning and exploration tool for kids and a fun toy for grownups, and they've come a long way from their origins in the early 2000s. Keep it free and fun by digging into the zillions of free software options for modeling, and communities that share freely licensed designs.</p>
 	    </ul>
           </div>
           <!--End Good-->
 
           <div class="good col-md-6 col-sm-6">
 	    <ul class="pros">
-              <li>Performance and seamless interface <a href="https://www.tomsguide.com/us/lulzbot-mini-3d-printer,review-2744.html">earned it "Editor's Choice"</a> in Tom's Guide's 2016 3D printer comparison.</li>
+              <li>Performance and seamless interface <a href="https://www.tomsguide.com/us/lulzbot-mini-3d-printer,review-2744.html">earned it "Editor's Choice"</a> in <em>Tom's Guide</em>'s 2016 3D printer comparison.</li>
               <li>Hardware designs available to make customization easy. Standardized material format allows 3D printing with plastics, wood-, stone-, bamboo-, rubber-, and metal-like materials.</li>
             </ul>
             <h5 class="text-center">Stay away from: Makerbot</h5>
@@ -842,7 +854,7 @@
 	      <p>There are <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/guide/ebooks">a lot of options</a> for where to get your literature fix without any pesky DRM. We're highlighting some publishers and shops who are offering deals for you!</p>
 	      <li><a href="https://www.delphiclassics.com/">Delphi Classics</a> has a wide range of classic literature available in English, French, German, Italian, and Spanish. Use the code <b>fsfdelphi</b> for <b>30% off</b> orders over $10 through the end of December.</li>
 	      <li><a href="https://tienda.edicionesbabylon.es/en/">Ediciones Babylon</a> can supply you with all of your Spanish language needs for comics, art, novellas, and novels. Use the code <b>FSFDISCOUNTEB</b> for <b>5% off</b> all the way through March 2018.</li>
-            <li><a href="https://www.nostarch.com/">No Starch Press</a>, for educational, instructional, and howto books on everything from arduinos to system administration. Use the code <b>ETHICTECH</b> for <b>40% off</b> through January 10th, 2018.</li>
+            <li><a href="https://www.nostarch.com/">No Starch Press</a> pecializes in educational, instructional, and how-to books on everything from arduinos to system administration. Use the code <b>ETHICTECH</b> for <b>40% off</b> through January 10th, 2018.</li>
 	    </ul>
 
           </div>
@@ -853,7 +865,7 @@
 	      <ul class="pros">
             <h5 class="text-center">Stay away from: Amazon</h5>
             <ul class="cons">
-             <li>Amazon is one of the <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/amazon">most notorious of DRM offenders</a>. Whether it's their Kindle ereader or their countless DRM-encumbered ebooks, Amazon is the place to go if you want to lease, rather than own, your favorite texts.</li>
+             <li>Amazon is one of the <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/amazon">most notorious of DRM offenders</a>. Whether it's their Kindle e-reader or their countless DRM-encumbered ebooks, Amazon is the place to go if you want to <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/amazon-kindle-swindle">let someone else snatch away texts</a> from your personal library.</li>
 	     <li>Where's O'Reilly? While the publisher's ebooks are still available from third party sellers (in both DRM-free and DRM-encumbered formats), O'Reilly themselves stopped selling their DRM-free catalogue earlier in 2017.</li>
             </ul>
           </div>
@@ -871,10 +883,10 @@
             <h5 class="text-center">DRM-free Games</h5>
 
 	    <ul class="pros">
-	    <p>Gaming systems have adopted all sorts of DRM technologies--allowing gaming companies to limit your access to games and even the ability to brick whole systems. However, there's hope in the wide world of DRM-free games!</p>
-	      <li><a href="https://www.gog.com/">Good Old Games</a> thinks you should not just be able to play with your friends, but share with them. They carry all kinds of games--action, adventure, RPGs, strategy games--and even movies specially for gamers.</li>
+	    <p>Gaming systems have adopted all sorts of DRM technologies -- allowing gaming companies to limit your access to games and even the ability to brick whole systems. However, there's hope in the wide world of DRM-free games!</p>
+	      <li><a href="https://www.gog.com/">Good Old Games</a> thinks you should not just be able to play with your friends, but share with them. They carry all kinds of games -- action, adventure, RPGs, strategy game s-- and even movies specially for gamers.</li>
 	      <li><a href="https://www.humblebundle.com/">Humble Bundle</a> first made its name with pay-what-you-want DRM-free books, and have since expanded to a whole range of games.
-		<li>We'd be remiss to not mention <a href="http://www.nethack.org/">Nethack</a>, a game well loved by many gamers and free software nerds. A classic <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roguelike">roguelike</a> with a <a href="http://nethack.org/common/license.html">classic, freedom respecting license</a>, there's no reason to not feel good sharing this game.</li>
+		<li>We'd be remiss to not mention <a href="http://www.nethack.org/">Nethack</a>, a game well loved by many gamers and free software nerds. A classic <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roguelike">roguelike</a> with a <a href="http://nethack.org/common/license.html">classic, freedom-respecting license</a>, there's no reason to not feel good sharing this game.</li>
 		</ul>
           </div>
           <!--End Good-->
@@ -904,10 +916,10 @@
 
 	    <!-- start good -->
             <ul class="pros">
-	      <p>Many consider music essential to the richness of the human experience. Thanks to the <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/guide/audio">many artists, producers, record labels, and shops</a> highlighted on <a href="https://defectivebydesign.org">Defective by Design</a>, the rights respecting options are nearly endless. Check out music from great labels and artists, including:</p>
+	      <p>Many consider music essential to the richness of the human experience. Thanks to the <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/guide/audio">many artists, producers, record labels, and shops</a> highlighted on <a href="https://defectivebydesign.org">Defective by Design</a>, the rights-respecting options are nearly endless. Check out music from great labels and artists, including:</p>
               <li><a href="http://www.dischord.com/">Dischord Records</a>, a classic punk label providing music since 1980.</li>
 	      <li><a href="https://folkways.si.edu/">Folkways</a>, courtesy of the Smithsonian Institute.</li>
-	      <li><a href="http://www.mergerecords.com/shop">Merge Records</a>, home to Grammy winning and well loved indie darlings.</li>
+	      <li><a href="http://www.mergerecords.com/shop">Merge Records</a>, home to Grammy-winning and well-loved indie darlings.</li>
 	      <li><a href="http://www.nin.com/">Nine Inch Nails</a></li>
 	      <li><a href="https://www.theymightbegiants.com/">They Might Be Giants</a></li>
 	    </ul>
@@ -919,7 +931,7 @@
           <div class="good col-md-6 col-sm-6">
             <ul class="cons">
 	      <h5 class="text-center">Stay away from: Spotify</h5>
-           <p>DRM is the unfortunate standard for so much of major music available. While spotify certainly isn't the only offender, they're the one we are choosing to highlight.</p>
+           <p>DRM is the unfortunate standard for so much of major music available. While Spotify certainly isn't the only offender, they're the one we are choosing to highlight.</p>
 	   <p>In addition to streaming music encumbered by DRM, people who want to use Spotify are required to install additional proprietary software. <a href="https://www.spotify.com/us/download/linux/">Spotify's build for GNU/Linux</a> is available as a Debian package that requires Debian non-free and comes with "<a href="https://www.debian.org/distrib/packages">onerous license conditions</a>."</p>
             </ul>
           </div>
@@ -938,10 +950,10 @@
             <ul class="pros">
 	      <p>As winter comes to the Northern Hemisphere, it's the perfect time to curl up under a blanket and watch some DRM-free video. In the Southern Hemisphere? Enjoy relaxing with a great movie actually owned by you.</p>
               <p>You can <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/guide/video">find your DRM-free video fix</a> at places including:</p>
-	      <li><a href="http://www.comedydirect.com/">ComedyDirect</a> can help you laugh while storing your videos locally.</li>
-	      <li><a href="https://archive.org/details/movies">Moving Image Archive</a>, thanks to <a href="https://archive.org">Archive.org</a>, there are thousands of film releases available online.</li>
-	      <li><a href="https://durian.blender.org/download/">Sintel</a>, where you can find DRM-free films made with free software.</li>
-	      <li><a href="http://wolfeondemand.com/">WolfeOnDemand</a>, for a great selection of LGBTQ films.</li>
+	      <li><a href="http://www.comedydirect.com/">ComedyDirect</a> can make you laugh while storing your videos locally.</li>
+	      <li><a href="https://archive.org/details/movies">Moving Image Archive</a>, is a section of <a href="https://archive.org">Archive.org</a> containing thousands of film releases, available to stream or download.</li>
+	      <li><a href="https://durian.blender.org/download/">Sintel</a> has a huge selection of DRM-free films made with free software.</li>
+	      <li><a href="http://wolfeondemand.com/">WolfeOnDemand</a> provides for all of your LGBTQ watching desires.</li>
 	    </ul>
 
           </div>
@@ -951,7 +963,7 @@
           <div class="good col-md-6 col-sm-6">
             <h5 class="text-center">Stay away from: Netflix</h5>
               <ul class="cons">
-		<p>Whether it's <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/blog/tell_netflix_nix_drm_original_productions">using major studios as scapegoats for using DRM</a> or <a href="https://www.w3.org/2017/09/pressrelease-eme-recommendation.html.en">pushing for DRM as an official W3C Reccomendation</a>, Netflix has been at the front line of getting DRM into media online and in your home.</p>
+		<p>Whether it's <a href="https://www.defectivebydesign.org/blog/tell_netflix_nix_drm_original_productions">using major studios as scapegoats for using DRM</a> or <a href="https://www.w3.org/2017/09/pressrelease-eme-recommendation.html.en">pushing for DRM as an official W3C Recommendations</a>, Netflix has been at the front line of getting DRM into media online and in your home.</p>
             </ul>
           </div>
           <!--End Bad-->
@@ -1010,7 +1022,7 @@
                   <h1 class="fix-margin">Promotion details</h1>
                 </div>
                 <div class="panel-body" id="promotion-details">
-<h2>Companies, distributors, and makers of freedom friendly gadgets and media want to make it easier for you to give gifts that you feel good about. Check out these discounts and promotions.</h2>
+<h2>Companies, distributors, and makers of freedom-friendly gadgets and media want to make it easier for you to give gifts that you feel good about. Check out these discounts and promotions.</h2>
 <!--                  <ul style="list-style: none inside none;">
                     <li id="thinkpenguin-promotion"><strong>ThinkPenguin:</strong> Receive a 5% discount on any items you buy from the Web site. Ends at 00:00 EST on February 1st, 2017. Use the coupon code <span class="label label-default">FSFGIVING16</span> at checkout.</li>
                     <li id="libiquity-promotion"><strong>Libiquity:</strong>            Receive a 5% rebate off your subtotal price for any items you buy from the Web site. Libiquity will donate 5% of each purchase's subtotal price to the FSF. Ends at 00:00 EST on February 1st, 2017. Claim the rebate by sending the code <span class="label label-default">FSFGIVING</span> and your order number to <a href="mailto:sales@libiquity.com">sales@libiquity.com</a>. Libiquity will then credit the rebate amount to your payment method.</li>
@@ -1041,8 +1053,8 @@
                   <h1 class="fix-margin">Respects Your Freedoms</h1>
                 </div>
                 <div class="panel-body" id="promotion-details">
-		  <p>The FSF certifies hardware as <a href="https://www.fsf.org/resources/hw/endorsement/respects-your-freedom">respecting your freedoms</a>. There is a <a href="https://www.fsf.org/resources/hw/endorsement/respects-your-freedom">complete list</a> of RYF products on FSF.org.</p>
-                  <p>We would never recommend you use, run, or give proprietary software. However, one part of RYF certification is the promise that one can install any software they wish on the device. This includes proprietary software. Free software is about many things, including the right to choose what is on your device. We urge you to keep your gifts and own devices fully free--it's not only the responsible thing, but the right thing.</p>
+		  <p>The FSF certifies hardware that <a href="https://www.fsf.org/resources/hw/endorsement/respects-your-freedom">respecting your freedoms</a>. These items arrive installed with free software, and you can see a  <a href="https://www.fsf.org/resources/hw/endorsement/respects-your-freedom">complete list</a> of RYF products on FSF.org.</p>
+                  <p>We would never recommend you use, run, or give proprietary software. However, one part of RYF certification is the promise that one can install any software they wish on the device. This includes proprietary software. Free software is about many things, including the right to choose what is on your device. We urge you to keep your gifts and own devices fully free -- it's not only the responsible thing, but the right thing.</p>
                     </div>
                 </div>
               </div>